It's April 1st! To celebrate, we figured we'd do something different with this week's puzzle, which clocks in at... *checks notes*... uh, at least 5 out of 5 in difficulty. Thankfully, we're off next week, so you've got two weeks to crack this wonderfully weird guest puzzle by Et Tu, Etui?.
In this crossword, you will only enter instances of the letters E, T, U, and I from each answer into the grid. Enumerations in clues refer to the fully expanded answer. For example, the answer VARIETY PUZZLE would be enumerated as (7,6) and entered into the grid as IETUE. Likewise, YOU CAN'T FOOL ME would be enumerated as (3,4,4,2) and entered in the grid as UTE. (A certain AVCX editor would go in the grid as ETUI. coincidence? hmm...) Though the clues might suggest otherwise, the answer to every clue (when spelled out fully) is a legitimate, not invented, word or phrase.
We've got two additional notes for you from the editing side. One: this puzzle is hard, with answers that can't be exactly confirmed via crossings, so we wholeheartedly encourage the use of Google or other solving aids if you need them. After all, a puzzle is meant to be solved, even one presented in a format as unusual as this. Two: this puzzle is weird. Et Tu, Etui? has a uniquely wacky approach to clue-writing that we've tried our best to preserve while keeping things fair. If you like their style, you can enjoy more (unedited) wackiness on their self-titled blog.
(Oh, and one last thing: we're told there's an Easter egg hiding in this puzzle somewhere. Let us know if you find it!)